Good faith is the notion that people are coming from a genuine place when they are addressing you. Unfortunately in many environments, there are many people that will shirk from accountability, or misuse concepts to avoid taking ownership of their actions or behaviors (e.g. stating they “are not responsible for your response” rather than taking responsibility, misusing the concept of agency), and so on.

Group meetings are a place where neutral faith is assumed and good faith is displayed through continued discourse and respectful listening.

Phrased another way, the group takes action to restrict or eliminate the participation of members who are acting in bad faith, to make space for strong and healthy connections.

Giving grace is showing kindness to someone even when they don’t (or you don’t think they) deserve it.

Be situationally aware. Is the person who is speaking using English as their second (or more) language? Was the person socialized the same as you? A person’s language choices and what they are concerned by are driven by a variety of factors, not just limited to language fluency and socialization, but also age, gender, orientation, body size, disability status, mental health, country or place of origin and so on. It is possible, and common, for a person who is underrepresented and oppressed in one way, to be unaware of the experiences of someone else who is underrepresented and oppressed in different ways.

Note that giving grace does not fall on any individual member, but rather the load is shared by the collective. Sometimes giving grace is as simple as not saying something and avoiding the urge to throttle someone you wished knew better, allowing someone coming from a different place, and who is likely less directly impacted by that person’s actions/words, can take the lead on doing the labor to continue the conversation and educating them on the mistakes they are making.

Important acknowledgement: a person’s background is a reason, not an excuse, for their actions and behaviors.

For people receiving grace, and thus constructive criticism: feedback is a gift. Use it as it is intended, to learn, grow, and to help others.

This group is not “rated” G, PG, or anything similar to that - racism and discrimination touches all aspects of life and we are open to discussing any. Members of this group are expected to communicate without the use of ableist, racist, sexist, ageist, etc. language (which will not be tolerated). Members are expected to use their ability to “read the room” and their growing cultural awareness to communicate effectively regardless of the subject matter.

As a reminder that feedback is a gift: if a topic veers into a direction that is triggering for members, and feedback is given in that respect, it is expected that the feedback will be taken and used for growth and positive change.

Tone policing can take a few forms, none of which are tolerated. Examples can include:

*Misusing the concept of “constructive criticism” as a method of silencing an idea

*Focusing on language choices (e.g. “cursing”) and not the idea being conveyed

*“Oppression Olympics”, “Model Minority” or similar - that is, comparing the experiences of different groups not as a mechanism for understanding but rather to disparage one or more groups.

*Topics discussed at meeting can be very emotional, and members might raise voice, shout, express anger…...

We support others by accepting them into our meetings and listening to them while they speak. At times speaking may be very painful. We listen to learn, which is the greatest support of all. On zoom we can use emojis to show our support.

Our experience shows up that BT Meetings are safe, affirming and orderly. In rare instance, however, the group has had to address the problematic behavior of a group member. It is important to remember that all group members are responsible for group safety and order.

Your call.